Digital Freak's Domain

The past 5 days, short 'n sweet (& sticky) style

2008-05-24T12:20:17Z

Partying on the streets of the city with the GIL, re: football team victory.
Michiel visiting from Belgium.
Hooverphonic concert in Zürich.
Madonna ticket for Zürich, 30th Aug, ensured.
Hooverphonic concert in Milan, with the GIL.

To be continued...

2 in 1

2008-05-04T22:58:53Z

Yesterday I had a most awesome GIL-day. We went out for a hour-and-a-half motorbike ride just for the sake of it - i.e. no shopping- or photo-related. Then we spent another hour talking of this matter about our friends... and it was one of those good talks you sometimes need to have to get things off your chest. Really, it's a sad that this whole thing has happened, but it's a good thing we're now both in this and I'm no longer the only one to know, it feels good to have someone to talk to.
Later at night I went out bowling with some other friends, then at some point I left and joined the GIL elsewhere. We stayed there until closure time (that is, 4 am) and it was great cause she sometimes glanced at me in that in-the-know way that I could die for, plus it was all the more remarkable because today she even had a football game to play so she usually leaves early the night before... instead she stayed until the very end. And it was just me and her, and later on a friend of us who was kinda drunk, so basically it was just me and her. Aha.

Today indeed there was her football game, which I went to see. Afterwards we went to drink and eat something together with a couple more friends, and later on she proposed to go to the movies to see Saw IV. Our other friends went to see a comedy of some sorts whereas I, she and the friend of the night before went to see Saw indeed. Almost at the very end the GIL felt sick because of a splitting headache (not for the movie) so she left before the end, but a few minutes later we reached her outside and thankfully she was fine again. Aww.

After that everybody went home, so here I am. Almost the most perfect weekend I've had in ages. If anything, plenty of GIL moments *sighs*

Coincidences

2008-05-01T23:43:12Z

Oh GIL... what have I done to deserve all this?

Today I've had another awesome GIL day... talked to her on MSN about some rather important and deep matters concerning our friends, which obviously mirrored our own points of view and then some considerations on life.. and then we agreed to do another bike ride together, with photo outing on top of that! At last! I think it's the first time since she got her camera that we've gone on a photo outing together. If this isn't a step forward, I don't know what it is.
Then, when I was just about to get home, she texted me asking if I wanted to go out for dinner with her and two other friends, so back over there I got... we had an enjoyable dinner right up to the point where she started talking about her ex (but it's those friends' fault) and then it got a little sad and depressing, for her, but for me too. Thank goodness they changed subject when some other friends popped up by chance at the very same restaurant, after which we talked a bit more about the whole situation about our other friends (re: MSN convo) and left. We went again to the fun fair and I felt her rather close at times - I mean, mentally - which was again very nice. At some point I went to shoot with a BB rifle and got the bull's eye each time, at which she kinda marveled (wooh hoo, points for me!). When I had to choose the prize for my results I asked her to help me pick something so she pointed at an orange cat... spot on! I still don't know if she picked that one because she likes orange or because she knows I do, either way it fit perfectly. I managed to convince her to shoot too (she's good at it - I remembered from last year), and when it was time for her to pick the prize she, in turn, asked me to chose between two small stuffed animals, and then I played once more because we sooo had to get the other one so we would have the two matching animals. So sweet, aha.
Eventually the thing closed down so we moved to our usual bar... fast forward a little bit and somehow she got something on her mind and became silent and broody. She left after a while but... thank goodness she did! About half an hour later that fucking ex of hers went in, which would have killed her if she was still there.
I don't know... it seems like she likes to be tortured (I know I know, me too), and that DOB (female counterpart of SOB) likes to keep her hanging. I don't know if the DOB has got any by-ends at this point, but something just doesn't sound quite right, and I am so very afraid the GIL will fall again... The DOB has hardly been around since the day she dropped the GIL, some year and a half ago, and now all of a sudden she pops up again at the very place she knows she goes to three times in a row? I say fishy. Fish fish fishy.

Still, why the hell each time things start to be fine again between us, something - or someone - feels the need to wreack havoc? Gosh...

And more... (but then!)

2008-04-27T00:52:13Z

Dammit if one day could go right from beginning to end...

Today I had another awesome (now, that's an understatement) GIL-day. About 13:15. She fires up a convo with me on MSN (had been ages since she did that in a propositive, not I-need-a-favour way) and asks what I'm up to today. I said I had gotten up not long before and still hadn't planned anything, what about her... bike ride? (This was half way between a question and a proposal). She said she wanted to go shopping... and from there, and after some sweeeeeet teasing we eventually decided to meet half an hour later at some place where I would have left my car and been picked up by her. So motorbike + shopping = awesome. We spent the afternoon shopping, talking, laughing, eating giant ice cream cups and riding around on her motorbike together, just me and her. At about 17 or something we parted ways only to meet some time later in the evening to go to the fun fair. In the mean time I went to see an equestrianism event at my old stable, and then, when I was about to be back on my way I texted her to check what she was up to... in that exact moment I got a text off her asking the same thing.. some commenting on the weird coincidence that we both wrote at the same time ensued... it was quite a moment indeed. We then met up at the fun fair and chatted a bit, then looking around in sadness at the sight of 12-years-old kids dressed and behaving like they were 20 we decided to move elsewhere. We shared again some quality moments while waiting for the place to get populated (i.e. doing crosswords and sudokus together) and then... then her fucking ex again.

This is just pure evil, not only against her, but against me as well, because it means I can never have a fully positive day with her. When she's like that it scares me, and it hurts me... because she's still so taken by her ex even though the evil evil thing has treated her like shit... it's so not right, so so not right, and I wish I could do something, but obviously I can't... she's so defenseless against this.
I get so very bad vibrations from this, hmmm.

Neverending story...

2008-04-26T11:19:27Z

The past month or so has been fairly up and down, but mostly down, GIL-wise. She hasn't minded me nearly as much as I'd have liked to, and this time I didn't do anything to deserve it. That was the drift until yesterday (but then..).

So indeed, yesterday she took me for a ride on her new motorbike. I didn't even ask for it, she just said to bring a helmet and that's it. When we met up she was nice and willing to talk to me, and during the ride and afterwards as well.
Mind you that while we were on the motorbike she said to put my arms around her instead of the knobs behind the seat, which in other words means I was as close to her as I haven't been since, well, a long long time (last time I was this close to her I think was back when we went skiing). Plus, she tried to discuss the muddy affair surrounding our friends (re: cheating), which was quite remarkable of her... and good, because I was tired of being the only one to bear such cross.

All was well, all was better than I'd have expected, but then... then we moved to a place where she accidentally bumped into her ex (the one of 1 and a half year ago.. not those in-between), and that threw her into an impressive downward moodshift spiral. It really upset her, and probably opened a wound that had never really healed. It hurt me to see her like that, and I was sad for her because it had been a positive night thus far. I wish I could have said or done something, but I never feel entitled to do so, at least not with her.
I'm pretty sure it has affected her, but I hope this hasn't put her back into blue-land.

Let's write something

2008-03-25T03:00:48Z

For it's long due.

First off, I went to see Alicia Keys in concert. Nice show.
Should have been one of those "adventures" but as usual instead of being 100% awesome it was only 50-60% so. I said, as usual. I should stop putting my hopes into scheduled things, for they never work out as intended. Mind you though, it wasn't bad, just not as good as it should and could have been (GIL-wise).

Then, a rant which nobody will get but who cares, I just need to write it down so it's off my chest.
R. I can't quite put my finger on you... you don't seem a bad person, but I don't think I like you that much. You are too loud and too expansive and it kinda bothers me. Like, way too loud, and way too expansive.
B. you're... slimy (ok, I don't know if it can be used for a person, but you get the drift) with people in a sorta disturbing way. There's no way I can get what's on your mind or where you want to get at, and again, I don't like it. You might not be a bad person either, though here I'm not so sure, but it always looks like behind every action or word of yours there's a by-end. Plus, I hate the double face you're putting up, re: what you're doing with/to my friends.
L. you should just die, you sneaky pig of a bitch. Just grow. And go away.
S. you're another one who should mind their own freakin' business. Stop screwing others' lives up, you should freaking know better. Sometimes I wonder why people don't have anything better to do. Go back from where you come from, i.e. nowhere. Where or why the hell did you start hanging out with us anyway?

There, better.

Dilemma

2008-02-24T22:18:38Z

[Nothing to do with the GIL for once]

Hmm, so if a friend of yours happened to cheat on their gf, who also happens to be a friend of yours, and told you all about it, and begged you not to tell it to anyone and to lie, or at best pretend not to know, if ever the gf were to ask you specific things, what would you do?

I hate delivering secrets, and I hate lying - so either way I'd be betraying someone.

When you thought life couldn't suck more, suddenly it does.

UPdate

2008-02-24T12:41:55Z

She had been ignoring me for about two weeks. Like, zero MSN convos, zero texts and almost zero talking when we went out with friends at weekends. Why? I have no idea. I didn't say a thing just in case my mind was making it all up (not) but I would have, had it not been different this time. But then yesterday she suddenly came back to planet Earth and offered a round to me and a friend, and later at night texted me several times, instead of another friend she's much closer with, to see what we were up to. During the night then we went to a disco and danced "together" (as in face to face, though not exactly close) and were much around each other all the time. All smiles and fun again. So I got to spend an awesomely positive and much needed night out.
I don't think I'll ever understand her, but there's no way I can stop wanting to be with her. She's worse than an addiction, you know it's no good, but can you help it?

Holidays that make you feel like they never came

2008-02-10T18:26:11Z

Things that happened in the past 10 days (in cronological order):

- carnival: I spent 5 days at a friend's house when I was supposed to stay just for one night. The GIL was also a guest there for the whole time. Unfortunately we never got to sleep in the same bed, although we came really close to due to some momentary overcrowding. The first three days of carnival were brilliant, then not so much, and - guess what? - it's my fault. Yeah, I basically hooked up the GIL with someone else. I hooked her up with somebody else. Because I'm an idiot. That was on the third night indeed, and I guess I backed her up only because she was minding me so much that night. Except, she was most likely doing that because I knew a friend of the person she was interested in. So yeah, idiot I am, and now I've got to pay for it.

- I got a haircut. (Side story, I got a haircut with the GIL... we went to the hairdresser together. It felt somewhat peculiar. Yes, on that day she was rather close to me, as in talking-close, or let's-do-things-together-close, that sort of stuff I could kill for).

- the GIL spent the night over at my house. That might sound like "mhm, okay", but whereas many other friends of mine have already spent the night here, it was the first time ever that she asked me to stay over. Well, it should have been just her (which makes it all the more remarkable), but unfortunately by the end of the night another friend of ours got so drunk I had to shelter her too. Pity indeed, but at least it's a first. Plus, she slept in my pyjamas so who's complaining.

- she met my mother (and viceversa). Again, she was the only one my mother hadn't met before. So now I guess she can put a face on the person I told her about when I did my coming out.

Madness time

2008-01-27T14:30:43Z

So, carnival has started. Friday night was okay-ish minus. Last night was okay plus. Sort of. Certainly better than Friday, with several niiice moments, but I'm still not totally convinced. I don't know. There are things that bother me. Not things. People. One, I could kill right away, and I even have reasons for it. The other one, I have doubts about. Don't have exactly the grounds to kill, so it would require further investigation, but perhaps it would be better just not to know. But one I could definitely definitely get rid of, and I think I'd also do a favour to many, yeah.

Some things are just brutal in the way they are delivered. Yes, sometimes she can be brutal. Unfortunately she doesn't know.

Anyway, for one thing I find this funny. She said something that stung (generally uttered, not specifically directed at me, but for obvious reasons this is what it did to me) - I won't go into detail, though - and yet, if I I think of it, I can totally understand her, as it would be more or less the same for me. I only need to think back to my time in Lausanne. The I-don't-care-in-so-far-as-limits-are-not-crossed line of thinking. Boundaries that need be respected. And I can totally see that, really, it's what I think and what I used to do, too. On the one hand.
I can't help but think yuck! on the other. Like, yuck yuck yuck!
Why the double standard then? It's not fair towards her.

Frak

2008-01-12T11:21:34Z

1. Who has seen you in your underwear lately?
no one

2. Is it awkward when you run into your exes?
the only "kind of" ex (only in her mind though) I could run into is in Lausanne, so, no

3. Have you kissed someone this past week?
no

4. When did you last talk to your brother or sister?
never (don't have any)

5. What did you do the last time you were home alone?
probably sat at the pc

6. Do you ever wanna know who you're going to marry?
at this point I don't even think I'll ever hook up with anyone so

7. Have you ever watched the Real World?
no

8. How much cash do you have on you?
about 150 SFr

9. What/who are the third and seventh texts (in box) in your phone?
both by the GIL

10. Are you tanned?
a whiter shade of pale

11. Are you upset with anyone?
yes

12. Do you talk to the person you have a thing for?
yes...

13. Have you ever seen your best friend cry?
I've seen friends cry, nobody's my best friend

14. Who's your number 5 friend on your top friends?
top friends where?

15. Did you get any compliments today?
no

16. Have you ever gone to court?
no

18. What's the last text message in your inbox say and whos it from?
the GIL thanking me for the present I got her for her bday

19. Favorite color?
dark blue

20. Have you ever punched a guy?
no

21. Do you get jealous easily?
apparently so

22. Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?
yes

23. Egged someone's house?
no

24. Have you ever had a crush on your brother's or sister's friends?
....

25. Have you ever gone to the beach?
yes

26. What are you listening to?
nothing

27. Do you remember your music teacher's name from elementary school?
Ms. Agliati

28. How good is your eyesight?
pretty good

29. Would you ever want to swim with the sharks?
I'd want them to eat me up right now

31. Have you ever been out of your country?
yes

32. Would your parents be mad if you got arrested for fighting?
probably

34. Do you have a Honda, Toyota or Nissan?
no

36. What time did you wake up this morning?
11 (went to bed at 5 am)

37. What are you doing saturday?
don't freaking know

39. What's in your back pocket?
no pockets in pajamas

41. What were you doing at 3am this morning?
carnival

42. What do you usually do first in the morning?
switch on the pc

43. Who is your favorite band?
Hooverphonic

45. Slept in a bed other than your own?
yes

48. Been in a car accident?
no

50. Thought your cousin was hot?
no

51. Been in love?
dammit

52. Slept with a b/f or g/f?
no

53. Gone over the speed limit?
pretty much all the time

54. What color is your room?
white walls, orange curtains

55. Drove a car?
yeah

56. Last time you went to a party?
last night

58. Been to China?
no

59. Gotten in a car with people you just met?
perhaps

61. Snuck out of your house?
no

62. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back?
all the freakng freaking time and then some

63. Had sex at school?
no

64. Made out with a stranger?
yes

66. What do you want to be doing right now?
disappear

For lack of better non-self-pitying things to say.

Way to start 2008

2008-01-06T13:03:53Z

I am being unreasonable again. This doesn't bode well. At all.

Haven't eaten a single thing since yesterday at Midday, and even then, it was 4 squares of chocolate. Haven't thrown up anything yet (well, what would I throw up anyway?) but the feeling is there, and in this very moment the thought of food sounds kinda repulsive. My stomach is tied up like a tangled ball of barbed wire.

Why am I fearing the same thing that happened in May might just happen all over again? Please tell me I'm wrong, I'm just making this up. I don't want it to happen again, I don't.

How spot on is Nelly Furtado in her song All Good Things...

Some other day is...

2008-01-01T12:41:44Z

Now. I have to get this off my chest.

So the thing is, there's this girl with whom she's been in contact for a while... (I've referred to her once as "a sorta friend of hers whom AFAIK should be just that for once") and well, it turns out, she's been in contact with her a lot, apparently. Granted, this didn't prevent me from getting all the quality GIL-time I've gotten lately (even in presence of said person), but it's still a rather bothersome fact.

The other thing - and the reason why I referred to her as a non-threat the first time - is, in spite of how she acts, she is already with someone (even living with them AFAIK). Now, in a perfect world, or in my naïve mind if you want, this means that if she's taken, there's absolutely nothing to worry about. But coming to my senses, WE DON'T FUCKING LIVE IN A PERFECT WORLD, so really, anything is possible. Furthermore, she seems to be the type who would actually be inclined to do so.

Third detail of the diatribe: the GIL herself has said that she's not interested in her that way, but sometimes... oh, I just don't know. I certainly believe(d) her, when she said it explicitly some time ago, but I'm afraid to ask now, because she does happen to change her mind over things from time to time. And last night was kinda weird. No bad weird, or good weird. Just weird with no modifier, for I don't know how to interpret things.

Last night, when I talked about the last half an hour of which I didn't know the occurrences, it was because said friend had to take the GIL (kinda high & drunk) home. I would have done it myself, but they had agreed at the beginning of the evening the friend would have done so, and there's no way things could have changed. Anyway, when the GIL is drunk, she lets her guard down a little, but depending on the degree of drunkness, should she feel threatened, she can snap back into full-attack mode in matter of seconds. When she's drunk and high, though, she is a lot more vulnerable and naïve (as in uh.. oh.. did I just do that?). The other one was neither drunk nor high, and I'm pretty sure she's the type who would... if she could. Now, I want to trust her, I'm really making an effort here, and I want to believe that she took the GIL from A to B keeping speech tongue and hands in place. And actually likewise for the GIL, except she'd be at least partly justified by her state. But... nothing happened, right?

Such a jealous mistrustful fuck... such a jealous mistrustful fuck...

NYE

2008-01-01T05:20:52Z

So eventually I survived NYE... could have been better, but could have been worse, except I know facts up to about half an hour ago, and in the last half anything could have happened and I will probably never know or if I will it certainly wouldn't be nice. No, either way it wouldn't be nice. So here's hope nothing of what I'm afraid of happened. For the sake of... everything. Please please please.

Anyway, fear aside, the evening started out so-so/okayish, became a little mhpf, then turned fab, then so-soish, then again somewhat okay. And of course lastly the big great unknown. But overall ok.
side-note: I'm such a jealous fuck, but you can never be too careful... I will elaborate some other day, now I should get some sleep.

must stop thinking

2007-12-31T14:44:35Z

I knew this wouldn't have been a good idea. Reaching that high. I'm already having mindfucks over things I don't know and most likely shouldn't even worry about. You know when you've got the (bad) feeling...

I'm even ashamed to say why it is so, so much it is lame.

How do I hate myself for the brain (or lack of) I've got...

EDIT: if there was something concrete between us, perhaps I wouldn't be like this. Or perhaps I'd become even more of a jealous fuck. I don't know. But I'd rather believe that if I had a few certainties I wouldn't be so instable. Instead, by being kept on this thin thread, it wouldn't take much to take everything away, and every threat - real or made up - eventually drives me down paranoid lane.

Another BEE (Best Evening Ever)

2007-12-30T03:07:16Z

Tonight I went to a gay club in Varese, an Italian town near the border. With the GIL (and some other people, but who are of the ok kind, not of the I'd-rather-not-have-them-around kind). Nothing spectacular you would say... right, but then the thing is, they were 5 crammed in the car, whereas I was just with the GIL - and I drove her. Again, huh? you'd say. Now, let me show a diagram of why this is weird but also OMG!!1! cool.

X <- she lives here
|
o <- this is where she left her car and I picked her up
|
|
|
X <- I live here
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
X <- this is where that place is

This means that yes, I did almost run out of gas, but I also got to have her at my mercy for a considerable amount of time. And mind you, she's not one who leaves her car behind that easily, which is also why it's weird that she did it in the first place. Plus, the fact the others weren't our usual friends was also kinda remarkable. I mean, firstly, we went together, and secondly, she didn't bat an eyelid if our gang wasn't around (or in other words, it could have been just the two of us, and it wouldn't have made any difference).
She was also playful and rather chatty, she took the time to mind me. I think we're catching up with all the non-talking and non-contact that went on for all those months. Anyway, eventually she got kinda drunk, and when she gets drunk in a good way she's this cute-funny you just can't help but laugh (positively). It doesn't happen very often that she lets her guard down this much.

I know I shouldn't get used to it, but I like what we're having now.

Afternoons

2007-12-29T19:37:16Z

Yesterday I spent another afternoon with her. She came to pick me up and then we went to a few tech and photo shops on a quest for prices. Let me note that 1) she came to pick me up, 2) we were alone, 3) we went to a place that's quite far from where I live but most of all from where she lives (this fact alone is worthy of some note), aaaand 4) she proposed the whole thing. Wahooo.
Anyway, she's looking for a couple of lenses to buy and so I went along to keep an eye on whatever she might end up getting. Fact is, her birthday is in a week's time and I'm all over the place to find something exceptionally good (and expensive) to give her, except she's the best when it comes to spoiling surprises by buying beforehand the things you were about to buy, so I'm having a particularly hard time finding something she's not already getting by herself...
Now though I think she settled for my proposal to order stuff from my B&H account so at least I know she won't be getting stuff I'm already getting her and vice versa.
I'm still split on whether I should get her a lens (and I've got three different choices), or a camera bag, or else two tickets for Céline Dion's concert either in Geneva or Zurich (except, the least expensive places, which are already quite expensive as is, are already sold out). Or something else altogether. (Truth is I'd get her everything and more if I could, but unless I rob a bank, no such possibility...).

Christmas is overrated

2007-12-27T01:29:01Z

We talk so much about christmas we tend to overlook what comes just before and after it. In fact, I've actually had my best pre- and post-christmas days ever.

For pre-christmas see the previous entry. For post-christmas, I'll get there in a second.

First, the other day I gave the GIL my christmas present and then, since she didn't have hers on her right there, she kept teasing me because she wanted to tell me what she had got me. As I didn't want to know beforehand, I kept shutting her up, so that was indeed also part of all the laughing and fun we had. Anyway, yesterday (christmas) I didn't get to see her, so she only got to thank me for mine tonight (man, did it feel good!) and then she finally gave hers to me...
Guess who's going to see Alicia Keys in concert!! :D :D :D
Yep, she got me (her, and our couple-friends) tickets to see her in March. So we're all going together, and spending the day in Zürich and basically whaaaaaaa, just the 4 of us (the right 4, the fab 4, not the wrong 4 like my Belgian trip *sighs*) :D I have no words for this.

I don't know if it's this time of year which is positively affecting her, or if I eventually managed to redeem myself, or whatever, and I don't know if - though I hope so - and how long it'll last, but it's being incredibly amazing as of late. I wouldn't be able to list all the good things that have happened so far even if I tried - they are this many. From the smallest, apparently most insignificant gesture to the everything these past three days have been. I think never before we've had this uninterrupted free flow of goodness. I am so very afraid that I'm reaching a high that will be hard to top, and then the inevitable downfall will come again... if I could I'd play these three days over and over and over (a sort of positive Groundhog Day, anyone?). Dammit, I already know it's obviously unavoidable, but I don't want this to end.

24th is the new Christmas

2007-12-24T18:08:12Z

Had I wished for it, I would probably never have gotten it. Instead I've had my best non-wished present to date - today.

I spent the whole day on the ski slopes with the GIL. Just me and her. And it was awesome. A-w-e-s-o-m-e.

I thought it'd never happen, just the two of us doing something together and nofreakingbody else around. It will probably never happen again. But at least once, I can say I've had it.

We talked loads. And we also talked some matters that go beyond chit-chat. I like that I can talk to her now, and that she talks to me. I make her smile. That's bonus points for me. We're finally - FINALLY - getting to know each other a bit. You know, so far I don't think we ever dared to talk about ourselves. Today we did. And we laughed and had fun. I don't think we've ever been this close. It was just so wholesomely good.

I would thank her if it didn't sound weird (why should I after all?), but she really gave me the best present ever, without even knowing it.

Subject

2007-12-16T02:59:26Z

God, wow, god. Party. The GIL. Awesome.
A bit drunk, but not too much. Awesome awesome awesome night. Things just happened to work well. It's a miracle I think. I might start to believe in god (not). But things just worked well.
You know, she spent the whole evening with me. Mind you, there were about 100-150 people. Some were definitely also friends of her. She spent the evening with me.
God. No words really. Awesome.

You know...

2007-12-14T17:09:42Z

Oh, ok.

I mean.

Nothing meaningful but...

KT TUNSTALL IS COMING TO SWITZERLAND!!!!

I'm so so so so going.

Creepy things crawling

2007-12-08T04:01:21Z

Last night I dreamt of spiders. It was kind of a nightmare, for how much I hate them - although nothing really eventful happened. Bad thing right? Apparently not so... They say dreaming of spiders is a sign of good luck, and I may be inclined to believe it is.

Awesome awesome awesome noletmerepeatitonemoretime awesome day. And night. Oh yes.

During the day I kicked ass and scored positive comments on a school assignment, plus two more indirect ones for pictures I provided for some other school mates' own work.
I also texted the GIL and actually got good answers from her, which is kinda new.

Then at night I was supposed to hear from the GIL and also another friend. The other friend couldn't really bother, so the GIL alone it was... texted her to ask if and when she was going out and she said she was in bed with a headache. I basically told her to get her ass up and on track (well, a bit more nicely), so she said she had had a bad day (kinda true, she had a minor car accident this morning) - but that didn't work - I said she could get out to get her mind off those things - and there you go, worked. So I gave her 30 minutes to get ready and then I'd come pick her up. I got to spend the evening with her, and her only, and she a) didn't object - not even once, b) didn't make a fuss of it, c) wasn't compelled to call up other friends, d) chatted with me a lot, e) was on a roll, f) enjoyed herself. And look at the time, it's 4:40 am. Not bad for someone who didn't even want to go out...

More spiders, more spiders please... heh...

Back to...

2007-12-02T19:17:18Z

Davos! Which is the place I spent most of my youth's school winter holidays until about 5 years ago. Great memories, I love that place.
And also back to great times with the GIL...

Today we opened the skiing season there. There was me, her, her brother and a sorta friend of hers (whom AFAIK should be just that for once). I won't elaborate, for there weren't specific moments that made it great - it was a continuum. Just great. She was all smiles. And quite surprisingly I could look her in the eyes without shifting away after 3 seconds (all the better for me cos her eyes are the most amazing thing I've seen ;)). Lots of well-meaning teasing too, which is something that I had missed greatly ever since the bad thing that happened in April/May.

Now I'm dead tired, my legs are killing me (tomorrow will be even worse) and I'm going to bed in seconds without having dinner, but I'm happy. So so very happy dammit!

(There, happy Kate/Evangeline icon as well!)

The GIL

2007-11-25T02:20:56Z

This time she deserves her own title line.

Friday night. I have somewhat vague memories of that evening now, for the effects of alcohol are comparable to that of woodworms. But certain things remain, and more specifically certain things the GIL did or said won't fade anytime soon. Actually, it wasn't just things said or done at particular moments, it was one whole long moment that lasted from the beginning of the evening till the end, and even further than that, today.

Friday night there was a birthday party. We had organised a big surprise party at the birthdee's house. There were 10 of us in about 8 square meters - no make that less because there was a huge table set in the middle of the kitchen. So, I ended up sitting next to the GIL.

First, she asked me out of her own will if I wanted to take some pics with her camera. This, I believe she had never done before, and it's kinda significant for reasons I won't explain now. Just take my word for it. Then, since we hadn't got enough wood slices to scrap the cheese off the raclette pans, we had to share ours, and regularly scraped cheese off each other's pan. Various times we had some wine and drink-pouring fun. We kept talking and laughing. I could take the piss out of her and she wouldn't be mad, and vice versa. At some point, and honestly I don't know how or why we got there, she told me to feel her abs, and since I hesitated she grabbed my hand and put it over her belly (I know it sounds weird, and it probably is - well, slightly - but I can't render it in words as smoothly as it actually happened). We also kept playing pranks with a fart balloon (that I managed to kill today...) that was lying around, and had so much fun doing it. In return they started throwing stuff at us, so we sought shelter behind a napkin, together. Later on when we moved to a bar we also sat near each other and again kept talking and laughing. There was a peculiar moment when my glass was empty and the waiter almost came over to get it. Fact is, we wanted to keep the glasses in order to put in our own vodka mix... so when the waiter asked me to hand in the empty glass she promptly poured some of the beer from her glass into mine, allowing me to keep it. Then, at some point she asked me to sing something and since there's just one song I can do at karaoke, she went to ask for it. Unfortunately (or luckily) I never got to sing it though, for things took a sour turn for some of our friends. So we had to dash out of the bar to check on two of them, and ended up taking one to the hospital (mind you, just me and the GIL) for a broken hand. Still, even there we kept working together in order to calm the other friend, and it was kinda amazing how smoothly everything went. Eventually the night finished and I got home at 4:30 am.

This morning she MSN'd me to ask me how I was doing and if I had heard from the two friends who were messed up the night before. We talked for a moment then I went to get ready and so did she, and at about 3 pm we met at the birthdee's place to help cleaning and tidying up. After that we just laid there... first we played some PlayStation, then we went out to get some stuff, and later we watched a few movies and slept a little, all the while talking and laughing and having fun and just, you know, getting along. Later we also cooked together some of the cheese and potatoes left over from the night before, and then did the washing up. At about midnight she left, and one hour later I did, too.

I'm not reading things into it anymore. There's no use since I already got burnt once. So if ever, if ever this does actually mean something, I'll either stumble upon it because she makes it very clear, or else I'll miss it altogether. Regardless of what all this is, anyway, can I just say wow?

Hook me up sistah!

2007-11-14T00:55:44Z

About time I had ONE decent Tuesday. There haven't been any shittier weekdays than Tuesdays so far, but today was an exception.

It started off incredibly well as the GIL hooked me up on MSN about 15 mins before I had to leave for school. She started the convo, she kept up the chat, she sent me stuff.

Then at school I saw twice this other cute girl I actually met in August during the Locarno Film Festival Parties (@ the huge roundabout), and got to greet her :)

Theeeen, most surprisingly, this afternoon during my graphic design course I got a text off the GIL asking me what time I finished school today, and that she was coming down to Lugano in about half an hour (just about the time I'd get out) to buy a battery grip for her camera... so I told her to come pick me up at school, and what do you know... she actually did so. No fuss, just a "tell me how to get there" and here she was. Alone. If I had to think of the last time she did something, anything, like this, I'd fail miserably. Really. So... we went downtown together and it felt incredibly good. And mind you, in the car we actually talked, like, freely. Anyway, once in the centre of town we met up with our couple-friends (yep, back to the fantastic-4 original lineup, re: March/April) and went to buy and have a look at some camera stuff. Stayed around till about 6 o'clock PM, then she brought me back to my car which I had parked near school, and headed home.

Aaaand, while passing near school I saw the cute roundabout girl again.

So there's plenty to sing and praise for today!

P.S. there's something I haven't mentioned so far and it is... there's a girl in my class whom I might find cute as well (still deciding if it's worth it, though)... but the more I try not to think of it, the more she actually comes forth. Oh would you just stop talking and minding me altogether, please!! You don't know what you're going for... And so she keeps doing that anyway, and so I totally, totally flirt.
I'm a dickhead I know... 1) she's straight (AFAIK), 2) I'm STILL not sure if I like her, 3) who the heck am I fooling again?? There's only one person I like, and it's the GIL!